I am learning— to deal with the grief.

It attacks me from behind

a sniper not playing by the rules.

Me, going through my life—happy.

Navigating my depression and anxiety with ease.

Then POW! shot in the face.

I read about the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade,

and I am instantly reminded of the times in my childhood.

Waking up early to drive into New York City,

standing in an apartment building (because my grandfather knew everyone),

watching the giant Snoopy wave at me.

Eating so much candy and getting sick.

Not really taking in the moment, because this will end eventually.

Souring the good memories with grief.

Accepting that I can't call you anymore.

even though I want to.

Accepting that I will never set foot in your house again.

even though I want to.

Trying to think about these memories and smile, instead of cry.

Hoping the sniper will take the day off.

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