7 Childhood Apologies to Nobody
I’m sorry that I was obedient.
I never got in trouble and when I did
It was the end of the world.
But I soon realized that only I cared.
I am sorry I was so girly.
With all my necklaces worn to school looking like a porcelain doll.
I remember crying in the movie theater because my favorite necklace broke.
And like a perfect daddy you bought me a new one.
I’m sorry that I was a doormat.
Never speaking up for myself
when the third grade girls told me to write my “a’s” a certain way
and if I didn’t I couldn’t be their friend.
I cried because I couldn’t do it.
It took me three weeks to figure it out
but by then it wasn’t cool
and nobody cared.
I am sorry for being the middle child.
Forever living in my siblings shade
and forgetting who I am
because her shadow was dark and it blended into mine.
I’m sorry for being trusting
For believing in the best in people
and not learning that if you touch the hot stove
you get burned.
For losing friends because I was the weird Jewish girl.
I am sorry for never having friends over.
My mother didn’t grow up in a house where friends came over
so neither did I.
I’m sorry for being senstive.
Taking everything personally.
And feeling like a sponge
taking in every insult and criticism
But most importantly
I am sorry for not being sorry
Because if I truly was sorry
I wouldn’t be writing this poem.