7 Childhood Apologies to Nobody

1.

I’m sorry that I was obedient.

I never got in trouble and when I did

It was the end of the world.

But I soon realized that only I cared.

2.

I am sorry I was so girly.

With all my necklaces worn to school looking like a porcelain doll.

I remember crying in the movie theater because my favorite necklace broke.

And like a perfect daddy you bought me a new one.

3.

I’m sorry that I was a doormat.

Never speaking up for myself

when the third grade girls told me to write my “a’s” a certain way

and if I didn’t I couldn’t be their friend.

I cried because I couldn’t do it.

It took me three weeks to figure it out

but by then it wasn’t cool

and nobody cared.

4.

I am sorry for being the middle child.

Forever living in my siblings shade

and forgetting who I am

because her shadow was dark and it blended into mine.

5.

I’m sorry for being trusting

For believing in the best in people

and not learning that if you touch the hot stove

you get burned.

For losing friends because I was the weird Jewish girl.

6.

I am sorry for never having friends over.

My mother didn’t grow up in a house where friends came over

so neither did I.

7.

I’m sorry for being senstive.

Taking everything personally.

And feeling like a sponge

taking in every insult and criticism

But most importantly

I am sorry for not being sorry

Because if I truly was sorry

I wouldn’t be writing this poem.